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Choke On This!

I take a lot of photos on my travels and there are more than a few that I just don’t want to use. Take the photo below. On a recent trip to Pattaya I exited Walking Street just after midnight when I spot a ladyboy in high heals and short pants. I thought now there’s a good photo-op. I didn’t even look at anyone else that might end up in the image. It’s not until the image pops up on my computer screen that I get the WTF moment … What a group. Now for anyone that is thinking that they’re all waiting for a bus. Let me put you straight … They are Freelancers!

The ladyboy in the short pants looks the part but what about the woman looking at her phone … FFS. That’s an impressive beer gut she’s got. I don’t think it’s lard! The guy in the yellow shirt is a ladyboy gone wrong. They just don’t have what it takes to pull off the ‘hey I’m a woman routine’. It’s not from lack of trying though. I would still call him a she if I ever physically bumped into them.

Pattaya Freelancers

Beach Road Pattaya

How to make the freelancers feel uncomfortable is to just stand close-by like the only guy in the picture is doing. They know he wants to make a move … HA HA. Just start to talk FFS … Before you know it they will be throwing prices in your direction. Don’t just stand there as even the passersby are wanting you to make a move. You are the show!

Over the past few months it seems to have become a bit more regular that a few pictures have been photo bombed by a horror. Some I don’t mind as it is just people walking down Soi Cowboy. They just happen to appear as I pull the trigger on several cool dancers … F.mee. I have an interesting picture from Rawhide in Soi Cowboy where one of the dancers is fooling around out front. The picture is wrecked by a dancer from Penny Black who appears to be anorexic wearing a bikini (last pic). She ends up being the main attraction … Skeleton Arse!

Then there are the pictures of the beyond belief gogo dancers who are clearly obese. Not chubby as I think that's a good look … but rolls of fat! I do wonder how they are allowed to set foot into a gogo bar let alone get on the dance floor. How they can even think about pulling on a bikini or worse a g-string is beyond me. Aren’t they embarrassed?

Obese Gogo Dancer

Choke On This!

Some guys may like their women to have rolls of flab. Lets try and not talk about her butt … FFS! Can you imagine ripping into a bit of doggie with the gogo dancer above? … I CANT!!!

The biggest problem with these women is they do try and hangout with the customers. Most people are polite and will find it difficult to tell them to just go away! Surely it wont be a night to remember. If I’m ever in the unfortunate position of a dancer that wont take the hint … I just drink up and leave.

Some images are hard too crop. Recently a picture I used for Cowboy 2 showing that they had ladyboys present. Unfortunately there was a heffer to the right that couldn’t end up in the final product. The problem being is there were two attractive dancers to her right that you just wanted in the picture but they get cropped. if I had left her in the picture then that's all people would have looked at … Her!

I headed into Patpong last week to review Glamour. Easy to do but some places just throw a spanner in the works. The last time I mentioned Glamour I said I was dealing with Coyotes. Then on Facebook the Glamour people corrected me in saying they have no Coyotes at Glamour! Mmm well when I decided to ask about barfine prices. I asked ‘are there any Coyote dancers here?’ The lady I was talking to made a point of … There are no gogo dancers! So I asked are they Coyotes then? The answer was ‘Yes … No Gogo Dancers’. HA HA talk about confusing … A ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer would have been perfect.

To be honest I couldn’t give a sh.t what they are as these dancers are good. They look like they would be a lot of fun. This brings me to the next bit of confusion. I was in a hurry to leave therefore I was just like any tourist wanting to bang a chick. She said the dancer would get 2500 Baht … ‘FOR 2 HOURS’ … Well guess what? I want to bang her all night long! … What's this 2 hours crap?! … Why even mention it?

Rawhide Soi Cowboy

Rawhide Gogo Dancer @ Soi Cowboy

Put a time limit on guys barfining a woman then every tourist is better off getting an Escort or hitting the Soapy Massage establishments. At 2400 Baht for 2 hours you get to choose a pretty sh.t hot looking woman for a soapy. She will slide all over you as you lye on a mat. Then she will get you in a hot tub … Do your best not to drop a load as It’s pretty erotic stuff. She will then massage you until there is around 40 min's left. If you’re man enough you just bang her stupid. Beats barfining a gogo dancer that has a time limit. You drop your load in 5 minutes then she’ll be gone in 10. F… THAT!

Smooci Bangkok