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Coyote Duds

For those that read last weeks column. I mentioned there was another customer in the bar that I was having a drink at within Soi Twilight. This guy had never been to Bangkok and where does he end up but at a gay bar. After I had done my I’m not gay routine to every human within the bar, he then does the same. Although I wasn't going to disbelief him I was still a bit wary. After a few beers I had decided he was telling the truth. Now to his sad story, he just arrived this morning from the UK and hadn’t touched a woman in 4 long long months. On a previous trip to Cambodia he hooked up with a woman and this is where the 4 months comes in. He had been back in England working and sending her money every month to support her and her son. FFS I could go on a major rant here. He explains that he broke off with her because she had spent £2400 of his. So I asked did you have a bank account in Cambodia? No… he sent it to her because she asked, FFS…. What did he think she was going to do with it? Thai chicks are going to love this guy mid 30s not overweight with money to burn for the next 2 weeks, then he will be broke.


She’s now at Kings Castle 2 previously at The Strip

Now for some fun, he wants a woman so lets hit some bars. Sh.t hot as I haven't let loose in a while and after hanging out in a gay bar for a couple of hours I need some female company. Right Now!!! I can remember the first ladyboy bar I ever reviewed which was the Cockatoo Bar in Soi Cowboy, well I really let loose that night at several bars where the women were right up for some fun.

This will be different as tonight I intend to go hard not just walk-in, see if the dancers can dance, are they attractive, get the prices, check the music and the general feel of the bar. This is go in and hopefully pick the right chick or chicks and have some real fun. She should be straddled on your lap by the first drink. Many bars have dancers / bargirls that go that extra mile. I just hope the women tonight are up for it. You have to remember we are in Bangkok and although I call them dancers lets have some reality here, tonight I’m with a guy who has traveled a long way to drop his 4 months load. Money isn’t an option. Who wants it?

Now luckily Patpong is just across the road so that's the destination for tonight. I have hit one bar to the max at Patpong 2 and that was Black Pagoda who passed with flying colors. The two women I spent my time with weren't just going through the motion they were genuinely horny. Lets see if I can get any more bars within Patpong to pass the test.

First up we head to the Thigh Bar for a warm-up, just to see what this guy is into (Lets give him a name…Fred will do). We sit on the sofas by the dance floor and look up at the dancers who do look pretty good this close up. All were early 20’s and as we got talking he had the same feel as me late 20's is more both our style. Although the Thigh Bar isn’t going to be put through their paces tonight. I have witnessed more than one guy with a woman on his lap being grinded like there is no tomorrow and his hand were in free roam mode.

Now the fun begins. Next up is Kings Castle 2 and what a great selection of dancers they have on stage tonight, fit, sexy and the all important for us a bit older than the dancers at the Thigh Bar. The speakers are belting out the tunes which really ads to the atmosphere for tonight. Whilst waiting for our beer I look up at the dancers and spot the woman in the picture above who was in the snake show at The Strip but now she's dancing at Kings Castle 2. Fit body, good personality and a very sexy dancer this is a no brainer. I call her over for a drink. Fred is already waving one of the dancers with tattoos. He lets me know that he's right into tattoos on women. She's hot and isn't shy as she cuddles right up with him.

I spend a couple of minutes trying to get the gossip of why she isn’t at The Strip then I realize she has very limited English. Who cares, once her drink arrived she straddled herself on my lap grinding to the beat with no encouragement by me…. Sh.t Hot. I looked over at Fred who's jaw had dropped, he’s staring at my knew friend. Chicks would kill to have her hair and one very important component, her ASS!!!

Here at Kings Castle 2 the dancers stay with you, just buy them drinks they never have to go back and do a shift on the dance floor. About 30 minutes in Fred is about to do his load. He can’t believe this place the quality of the women present. No matter who you have on your lap if you look up at the dance floor and you will spot someone else that you want to spend some grinding I mean quality time with. What transpired over the next hour was amazing the action was so good that the dancers on a break who were sitting only a few feet away, were staring at what is going on, several looked genuinely horny.

Words cant describe how erotic she was dancing at times. She wanted my hands stroking here inner thighs up to her ass plus her tongue action was amazing, maybe that's why the other dancers were juicing up. Even the waiters were adding to the atmosphere putting on a bit of a fire show as they walked slowly past. Pity some prick didn't video this for me, just for the memories. Now we had a dilemma could Fred hold his load for one more bar. So we decided to put his new girlfriend to the test and if she would go with him for 2000฿ then we would call it a night, if not then we would head to another bar. She wanted 3000฿ and after a bit of negotiation she wouldn't budge so that made it easy, time to go. Something cool that has only ever happened once before which was here, is the dancer when you leave will walk you to the exit and say their goodbyes. It’s obvious that Kings Castle 2 passed.

Now to The Strip, it’s 12:30 am and I’m sure Fred will do his load with someone here. We get a couple of beers at the bar and head to one of the booths where we can have a bit of privacy. This should be good, Fred calls the dancer with the most tattoos down I went solely on looks and into the booth we all go. Halfway through our drinks Fred looks over and It’s obvious we are both thinking the same thing these two are duds, his tattooed girl is more interested in her phone. What you need realize is they get a 50% cut in the drinks that we buy for them so technically we have already started to pay to play. Don't forget these are hookers who cares they use the word Coyote, they can be barfined it’s just that you will pay a bit more. These two expected to just come into the the booth and sit. FFS.

At all the great bars at Soi Cowboy that you can have some real fun: Toy Bar, Jungle Jim’s, Moonshine Joint, Crazy House (Soi 23) and a few more that I wont mention it’s the dancers / bargirls that make the move early on, letting you know that they’re up for some fun. Just like they both did at Kings Castle 2 tonight.

We cut our losses and send them packing and call another two into the booth. Fred has decided he is going to barfine this Coyote dancer, he cant hold on any longer. My coyote dancer is another dud, cant speak any English and is making zero effort just's smiles. I cant emphasize how bad this is, at any of the above bars if I haven’t made a move on them then their hand would already be on my crouch. All you need do is keep the drinks flowing. So far here at The Strip we aren't getting what we are paying for.

Fred's is a dud but she's got the look, good enough to drop his load. One word they do know is barfine, his girl looks a bit confused before saying ‘no barfine’. F…me WTF this guy looks okay. We both laugh at this shit when luckily a dancer walked by who could speak some English. I told her that Fred wanted to barfine the woman he has bought a drink for. She spoke in Thai then came back with…… I must say I've been laughing about this for days now. Walking the streets, on the Skytrain and wherever, I just suddenly break out in laughter.

Okay here it is F meeeeee it’s retarded. She has her period HA F.cking HA HA. I’ve had fun in bars for over 3 years now and have never had a bargirl / gogo dancer or Coyote put themselves out there in the firing line whilst they have their period. Don't forget this chick freely jumped in the booth and took his money from her cut in the drink knowing that in the booth it is supposed to be a bit more hands on. We've had 4 dancers through the booth now, it cant get any worse can it?

Okay f.ck this we send them packing and do have a good laugh. Now we pick another two. Fred doesn't care this ones getting barfined. I look around the bar and notice a dancer who is fairly regular here and has something that gets me going in a woman (she’s over 30) she has a 6 pack which is so impressive especially now that I’ve had a few drinks.

They get their drinks and this is more like it. Mine is up for a bit of touching but firstly Fred wants to barfine his woman. My chick hears the word barfine and says, ‘no barfine’. WTF? I wasn’t asking her then all I said was, ‘what?’  She then said ………………… are you ready for this……. This is so retarded….. Don't forget she got in the booth taking the money…… she says .……….. ‘I have my period’…. FFS HA HA we both nearly piss ourselves… so I said ‘Bullshit!!!!’. Now like a trooper she stands up and pulls her bikini bottom down showing she has a pad on. FFS all we want to do is have some fun like we did at Kings Castle 2.

Feeling sorry for her since she has a nasty cut I slide her into the back of the booth and call another woman over for a drink, this is the seventh into the booth.

Last week I mentioned at Soi Twilight ‘is this where ladyboys come to retire?’ Now I’m thinking is this where dancers come to have their period? After spending so much time in the likes of the Toy Bar & Jungle Jim’s last year I know who the best girls are. I would on occasions see them wearing the tops the bar staff wear and go around taking drink orders and collect the bills. They were out of the game, you just knew it was that time of the month. This is what you do, either not turn up for work or do something else within the bar until your period has finished. Not jump into a booth with customers.

We call the mamasan over and tell her we want to barfine this dancer which all went smoothly. Barfine 1000฿ and for short time 2000฿ paid once he's finished, he wont last 5 minutes. Now that he has gone, the woman I have is up for a cuddle but the shop is closed. The chick with the period needs to go to the bathroom. I’m guessing to change her pad? Then something cool happened, I do like a bit of controversy. The dancer that has only been here for 5 minutes plus has only taken a sip of her drink says, ‘I need go dance now…..’ Again HA HA f.cking HA HA…… Her friend calls out so I let her go knowing exactly what to do next. She hits the dance floor all smiles and starts dancing in front of the booth. I’m standing and see the mamason on the other side of the bar and get her attention and let everyone know that I just bought her a drink and she's now up dancing.

The mamasan with a pretty stern look and a few words in Thai meant that she moved pretty quick back into the booth. The cool part is the woman with the 6 pack / period came back and just as the dancer was sliding in she could see how bullshit all of this had become. Before the dancer could sit down, I really don't know how but she ripped the top of this dancer, so now she's in the booth topless. Cool but who gives a sh.t as she has no drive to have any fun. The lady with her period is tons more interesting. The funny thing is she now wants to get barfined but I tell her ‘nah you have your period’. Again something else to make me laugh … she says ‘only a little bit’ as she shows how much with her little finger. F….me, that’ll do.

This shows the problems when bars use dancers from an agency eg the Coyote dancers at The Strip. The management are choosing hot sexy looking dancers who look good in glossy ads but in reality they’re total duds especially for any customer on a holiday who wants to have some real fun. Lets see how Fred fared barfining one of these chicks.

Fred arrived back in less than 30 min's making my 5 minute prediction pretty accurate. After Fred was a few pounds lighter the Coyote dancer wanted 3500฿ not the 2000฿ agreed upon. Luckily he had his head screwed on right and came straight back to The Strip. We called the mamasan over and told her that she wanted 3500฿ and she said ‘no its 2000฿’. At The Strip the mamasan is one of the best I have come across and what a pain it must be for her dealing with some of these Coyote dancers.

Everything looks fine when you sit back and watch from the bar, like most the expats do. It’s not until you put down a bit of cash that you will see where The Strip is being screwed. It’s the Coyote Dancers & any dancer working whilst they have their period.

It should be an easy fix as there are plenty of dancers out there that genuinely enjoy their work. And for those who don't know what that means I’ll quote from a successful bar owner in Bangkok stating why some of his dancers are so good and can get barfined multiple times a night, it’s because ‘they enjoy to f.ck’.

The experience at Kings Castle 2 made for a very good night out, something both of us wont forget for a very long time. For me The Strip made for a good story and after the second ‘period’ incident I just thought send me another one. Most people would have left earlier and would never return. The Strips booths had to be put to the test and they failed badly as did the dancers. How on earth is the dancer who is now at Kings Castle 2 still not at The Strip? What she did tonight for me as a customer was easily in my top 5 experiences at any gogo bar in Bangkok. (See the bottom paragraph for a reality check).

Nana Plaza Ground Floor

View from the Nana Beer Garden

The bars were closed early in the week due to public holidays in Thailand therefore I didn't go out until Thursday night. As I passed Nana BTS two above average fit looking Thai women exited and are walking towards Soi 4, cool I want to see where they go. These girls (25 ish) look hot, I find it hard to believe that they will go to a beer bar. As they turn into Soi 4 I see the Freelancers standing opposite Nana Plaza and again I’m thinking, no way. They do turn into Nana Plaza where I was surprised to see that they both entered Candy Land 2. The last time attended Candy Land 2 they had one ladyboy working inside that dominated the whole dance floor and wouldn't leave the customers alone. With dancers this good just keep it all women.

It is the 2nd Anniversary of the Stumble Inn Group taking over the Nana Beer Garden. This coming Thursday, July 28th local beers and spirits are only 90฿ all night. You do get good view as you can see by the picture above.

For anyone that cares Strikers Sports Pub is no more and has been stripped bare. You really notice it has gone when you walk past that section of Soi 4, it feels like a black hole since it always seemed lit up so well by Strikers.

Several gogo dancers were taking a break at Bangkok Bunnies. One word, Wow. A couple where taller than the average Thai women and in their late 20’s they looked trim and terrific. Rainbow 4 all the dancers had their tops on when I went by, next time they have their tops off I will go inside and see how it all feels within their new location. In the old Rainbow 4 shell the Twister Bar has both dance floor in operation but isn't drawing a big crowd just yet.

Talking of a crowd Billboard just keeps on packing them in and why not. The rotating dance floor is packed with some very attractive dancers. The Billboard Jacuzzi is becoming legendary within Nana Plaza. Don't miss out, these girls just wanna have some fun.

Another bar that was busy is True Obsession (ladyboy bar) not that I was going in but I had a quick look and they might have been able to squeeze one or two more customers inside.

Jail Birdz is well worth a look. The sound system sounds so much better than a few months ago and as I said last week. Jail Birdz looks like a good spot if you want to barfine a dancer early.

Soi Cowboy had more atmosphere than Nana Plaza this week. The Corner Bar had a very good band playing. There were more than a few old timers and bargirls getting right into it, the drinks were flowing tonight. The Five Star Bar had around 5 attractive ladyboys seated in the outside bar but with no customers. Inside the band was playing and they had an ok crowd with a handful of bargirls milling around. People might be getting confused when the see the Five Star Bar with the ladyboys out front. Inside with what I have seen it’s women only.

I just had to do it after the fiasco at The Strip and that was to go into the Toy Bar. I took a seat and after buying a drink for one of the bargirls the only place she wanted to sit was on my lap, her hands were in free roam mode. This is were I learnt all about bars in Bangkok and that is Soi Cowboy. At the Toy Bar I just got more action in 20 min’s than I got at The Strip. The cost at the Toy Bar 210฿ and at The Strip for Fred and I nearly 4000฿ FFS and that doesn't include Fred's 2000฿ for the 5 minute romp.